Yellow Alert

Significant risk of impending rewrite.

We had the reading of Yellow, draft two, last night at the Rendezvous, and it was great fun. Hearty "thank-yous" to all of my friends for lending their voices: Kirk, Todd, Valerie, Christine, Jolie, Cory, Morty, Kyle, Laurence, and Mary, who was sick and coughing but read all the stage directions anyway. (Well, I didn't give her much choice, really, but moving on...) Afterwards, we went down to the Rendezvous' performance space and watched Laurence, as The Diamond Family Archive, play some avant-space-folk and blow everyone away. (Laurence probably hates labels, but I really don't know how to describe his music.)

So the consensus between Martin and I is that this draft is overwritten, and that that is actually great, since it means cutting rather than adding. I think the structure is pretty sound, and now it's a matter of boiling it down to its essence. The script gained about 10-14 pages from the last draft, and for whatever reason that reminds me of that Family Guy joke with the neutered, grotesquely obese Brian: "I love chocolate but I can't eat it because it'll make me fat."

Other observations: Sharpe is great with a British accent; too many characters laugh at each other's jokes; too many characters "examine" each other.

So, I now invite everyone across the multiverse to read the new draft. Just drop me a line when you'd like to read it.

Where we saw it: general | We deign to rate it: outta 100
Posted by kza at 10:50 AM | Comments (5)